hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
