11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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