I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
