Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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