Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
