dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
