I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
