Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
