I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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