and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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