I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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