life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
