Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
