I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
All I want is dick and wine.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
