The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
