hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
