I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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