And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
