I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
