so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
