I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
