i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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