Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
