I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
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I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
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Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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