ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
