the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
