Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
