Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
