so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
