ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
