Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
