Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
