I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
