birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
