Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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