i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
