I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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