He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
