You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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