so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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