Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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