Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
