Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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