butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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