I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
