Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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