Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
All the doctor said was why
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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