threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
