Already got asked if we're dating
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
