i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
FUCK WHALES
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
