i wish starbucks made bloody marys
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
