I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
