the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
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The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You pole danced in your parka.
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WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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