I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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