Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
