Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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