Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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