he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
