I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
