Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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