How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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