You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Randomize
