Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize