i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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