I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
