Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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