I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
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Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
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Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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