you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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