The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize