i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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