oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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