I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
