i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
