I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
