I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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