im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
