I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
