dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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