We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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