OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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