If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
